What is my purpose here in this life?
What was I put here to accomplish?
As I ponder the answer to this question, without editing myself, I can’t help but reflect on the fact that I have always wanted to help others, but the “how” has never been clear.
Could it be that my desire all these years to write and share my story was never about helping others at all?
Perhaps it was about understanding myself.
Perhaps it was about making sense of the experiences that shaped me, the lessons I learned, the mistakes I made, and the person I have become.
Maybe, in the process of sharing my truth, I will continue to learn, grow, and discover parts of myself that I have yet to understand.
And maybe that’s where I need to begin.
For so much of my life, I’ve searched for a greater purpose, believing that purpose had to be tied to what I could do for others. But perhaps the first step is understanding myself more fully and being honest about my own journey.
If, one day, my words happen to help someone else along their own path, then that will simply be a gift that comes from sharing my truth.
A lot of the material I have already gathered and written consists of works that I want to share and include, and they all have deep sentimental meaning to me.
Originally, the concept was to write a memoir specifically for my children because, many children grow up in families today where there is little to no meaningful communication.
Sure, they pass each other in the hallway and occasionally share daily news at the dinner table or while rushing out the door to the next event that has drawn their attention. But I’m not talking about that. I’m referring to deep conversations, where you’re not afraid to speak openly and truly share what you think and feel.
Even while my own children were growing up and I was working full-time, I admit that there were many nights when I didn’t want to hear anyone speak, let alone my kids. There was too much mindless chatter throughout the day, too much noise. All I wanted to do was find a nice quiet corner, curl up, and be alone.
Now that my children no longer live with me, I find myself longing to find a special place where we can go to catch up and have those chats, we’re missing out on. The struggle is that it’s very challenging because we each have our own schedules and our own personal agendas.
I’m not ready to leave this planet yet. There is so much I want to tell them, so much I want to share. I’ve always known I was different, and yet I find myself being sucked into the same routine as everyone else.
No time today.
We can do that tomorrow.
But what if there wasn’t a tomorrow?
I want my children, my granddaughter and my friends to know, without question, who I was and what I stood for. I don’t want to be remembered as who they wanted me to be, or what they hoped one day I was going to be.
I want to be remembered for who I am.
Determined
Generous
Faithful
Honest
Loving
Passionate
Driven
Supportive
Innovative
Creative
Dedicated
